The Little Candle

Over the past year or two, I have found that many many things come down to proper balance, something that I have struggled with this past semester as I got ready to graduate high school, move on to college, and say goodbye (and hello) to many things. I was encouraged today by a friend telling me that it is totally normal to feel like falling apart. These are hard transitions, even though they bring much good. That is something that I need to hear. The goal is always to come back into balance, but I need to hear it's normal and OK to fall apart through this. Especially through times when I feel out of balance, I feel the need even more to be intentionally thankful, to stay positive, and remember that I do not travel alone. For me at least, in rough times, it is hard to be thankful about what is actually happening. But it is through being thankful for the little tiny things that I am able to slowly begin to give the bigger things to God. With this in mine, I am thankful for many little things:

• that I got to go to Confession today
• that I got to have some very good conversations today
• for cookies and tea with a friend
• for her smiling son
• for the little candle that was on the tea tray
• for beautiful things like sun and rain which both happened today
• for summer projects
• that I'm going out of town soon
• that I got to drink coffee and tea today
• that peanut butter and apple butter are really good together
• for season and times for everything

"Focus exclusively on God and light, and never on darkness, temptation, and sin." ~ from Fr. Thomas Hopko's 55 Maxims

My Father

     I hear a lot of teens my age complain and grumble about their parents. They say they hate their parents for setting curfews, for not allowing them to date, for withholding money, phones, etc. I never wanted to be like that. 

     I try really hard not to be upset with my parents, and though we don't always agree, I love them dearly. 

     Today I'm specifically going to talk about why I love my dad. He's always been there for me, even after a long hard day at work. He puts up with my whining about life, my pestering about animals, my tantrums over math, and my general pigheadedness. 

     But my favorite memories with my dad are the ones where he teaches me something. He shows me good driving techniques (which will be put to good use soon enough), he tells me how to cook food properly, and he explains the ridiculous confusion that is math. 

     Not only that, but my dad is one of the best role models when it comes to hard work. He's great at fixing and building and accomplishing things, whether it's rebooting the computer, making my room, or solving disagreements with my mom or my siblings. No matter what, if Dad's working on it, it'll turn out just fine. 

     Just last year, on Father's Day, one of our rabbits had escaped the yard. The whole family was out trying to catch her. As it got later and later, Mom had to take my young siblings inside, and soon it was Dad and me chasing the rabbit. Then it started raining. By the time we finally got the rabbit inside it was pouring buckets. And yet, on Father's Day, my dad was outside, soaking wet, catching my rabbit with me. To be honest, it was miserable. But I never forgot that, no matter how much he complained about those rabbits, Dad knew how much they mattered to me and he loved me enough to make sure they were all safe before he got out of the rain. And to this day he still does the same thing all the time. He built those rabbits an amazing hutch and now they're perfectly safe, for good this time. 

     So while he may not ever read this, I just wanted to express thanks for my amazing dad. I hope you all take the time to at least tell someone how you feel about your dad, because he deserves for someone to know how much you love him. 

     I love you dad. 

Rain

I remember how some rainy days we would get to our history class and someone would complain about the wet weather and my teacher would tell us that rainy days were some of his favorite. For some reason, that has stuck with me. Some days I can really like the rain, some day, I really don't but most of the time I don't even think about it. I'm usually not paying enough attention to know whether I like it or not. Today, as I battle feeling really low, I was planning to go out to a little park I know. It's one of those hidden parks that not a lot of people know about, but is very beautiful and quiet. It's also unexpectedly large. I was very disappointed when I learned it was going to rain.

I ended up having to go out later to return a book to the university. I stopped for coffee on the way back and allowed myself to sit in Starbucks just sitting, drinking my coffee, and relaxing. When I came out it was raining, but it was so pretty. Soft rain falling down, making everything misty and peaceful, warm and cool all at once. When I got back home, I went up to room, where I'd left my window open. My room smelled like the beautiful rain outside and now I'm lying on my bed listening to the rain fall outside my window. It's beautiful! I'm sure there will be times when I wonder why I love rain, why I'm thankful for it, but I am. I am thankful

• for the smell of rain coming in through the open window
• for the peaceful sound of falling rain
• that I got the laundry that's been sitting in my basket for months put away
• for coffee
• for surprises (this is one I know I will not always be thankful for)
• for music that matches my quiet mood
• for a (mostly) quiet day at home
• that I'm at peace right now
• that God made rain and all of the world
• for flowers and gardens and parks and everything beautiful
• for changing plans
• that I can't do everything
• for an upcoming trip to Louisville
• for chirping birds
• for wet grass
• for candles and tea lights
• for comfortable chairs and books
• for cinnamon sugar almonds
• for quiet smiles and people who care

The little things often make the most difference. Prepare to be astonished by the ordinary.

Miracles

The last couple days have been pretty rough. I've been tired, feeling out of rhythm, feeling like you do when you eat too much candy and read too much (I hope you know what I mean when I say this), and just a bit depressed. But you know what, there is still so much to be thankful for, especially the little things when you are depressed. I am thankful

• for Pentecost and the coming of the Holy Spirit
• that we can sing/say "O Heavenly King" again
• for good-smelling lotion
• for girls' group
• for a friend who offered to meet me for coffee and helping me find a rhythm on the spot as soon as she saw how frustrated I was
• that so many friends and families have opened their homes to me and love me
• for pillows and soft beds, especially at the end of a long day
• for candy and chocolate (even when I eat too much of it)
• for quiet time at girls' group
• for lists
• that I get to choose what I do (even if I don't always like it)
• for some great reflections and conversations at youth last night
• for Liturgy and the Eucharist this morning
• for God's grace
• for psalms
• for fun music that makes me forget how miserable I am
• for a friend who agreed to check up on me in the morning to make sure I'm not listening to moody music and that I actually get something accomplished tomorrow
• for icons and incense and vigil lamps
• that as I was praying this evening, I realized how much I loved, even when I don't feel like loving anymore
• that when I am sad and hurt, I can read the Bible and get comfort from Christ's example

Lord, thank you for everything, the good and the bad. Let Your will be done in me in every circumstance!

To the reader of this blog: I challenge you to be intentionally thankful. See the miracles that are worked as a result!

Mom

     In the past four days, I have accomplished at least four weeks worth of work in science. It has felt amazing to make a plan and actually stick to it, even in such a small amount of time and work. However, I would not have been able to do any of it without the help and support and constant nagging of my mom. 

     I'm not a very motivated person when it comes to school or chores, and I am very thankful and lucky to have such an organized mother. She excels at organizing, planning, and carry out any work, plan, or event. Her plans and organizations don't always work, but she never gives up and is always trying to find ways to make life run a little smoother. She has taught me so much. 

     Mothers, I think, are one of the most under-appreciated workers on the planet. I mean, thanking them and giving them stuff on Mother's Day is great and all, but they work all year and receive little gratitude. If anything, motherhood is viewed in our society as "unfashionable" or "unsightly" work. Breast feeding and disciplining children is a huge no-no in public. Mothers raise and teach the world, one child at a time, and they're scolded when they're caught doing it. Either that, or they're frowned upon for not having perfect hair, clothes, and children. Being a mother is not easy, and I think more people need to realize it. 

 

     I personally have gained a lot of respect for mothers in the past few months as I've become more aware of what it's like to corral kids, clean houses, and get anywhere on time, all with your own self motivation. It's a lot harder than they make it look. But I also have a lot of respect for mothers because they don't just do the basics of keeping everyone alive. They sit and cuddle with their babies instead of taking a bath during a quite moment, they read books to their toddlers instead of hopping on Facebook for some adult conversation, and they do crafts with their grade schoolers instead of watching that movie they'd planned to see. They give up their time for their kids, and they enjoy it. That, is the greatest gift kids will ever receive. I know it was, and still is, for me. 

     Thank you so much to all you  mothers out there. You're fantastic. 

Busy as a Bee

     The past few days have been so busy. I'm sure this is a common feeling for everyone, and I say it all the time, but it seems to be especially true this time. I've been constantly buzzing, almost literally flying from one event to the next and even when I'm at home I bustle around cleaning, working and just generally being busy. So often when I get busy I forget to step back and take a look at all the wonderful gifts God has given me, especially animals.

     I have many pets and I adore animals so it's only natural for one of the trips I made this week to have been to the pet store. I promise I was actually doing something important, not just gawking at animals and begging mom to let me take them home. Anyway, seeing all the small animals they had for sale got me thinking.

     We, as human beings, are constantly worrying about the future or stressing over the past. We do not live in the present, we live online, on the television, through the phone, but never in the moment. Looking at the hamsters for sale at the petstore, I thought to my myself how nice it would be to be a hamster. An animal in the petstore doesn't not have a terribly easy life, they get moved and handled so often at strange hours during the day/night depending on whether they're nocturnal or not. But they do not sit and worry about what comes next. They don't speculate all the horrible things that could happen or all the things that they have to do, they simply live in the moment as it comes. 

     For example, I was watching the sweetest little hamster sleep in a pile of other hamsters. He suddenly woke up and noticed me. It took him quite a while to finally leave his nest and come see what I was doing on the other side of the glass. But, once he came out, he didn't seem so bothered that a giant was staring in at him. He waddled on his way, finding some food and another warm nest. 

     

      Often I will freeze when faced with a giant. I'll sit and I'll panic, thinking of all the terrifying things that could happen to me, when really the giant isn't gonna do me any harm. Instead of focusing and accomplishing the little yet important task I already had in front of me, I will waste all my time on what could happen. I need to wake up, snap out of it, and see what's happening now. Not that I shouldn't be aware of what I should be ready for, but here and now is immensely more important than tomorrow's maybe. 

     Today I am especially thankful for all the amazing lessons I have learned and have yet to learn from animals. Somehow, they seem to know what they're doing a whole lot better than me. God didn't make me a bee for a reason, I guess. So pause, take a deep breath, pet the family dog/cat/rabbit/horse, and focus on the present. Simple take everything as it comes. Worrying will only make it worse, and smiling will definitely make it better. 

Mondays

     Most Mondays aren't the horrible, cataclysmic events that they've become notorious to be. Most of the time, I'm even thankful for Mondays because I love going to my girls' group and my job. Today, I was not so thankful. 

      I work as a mother's helper/babysitter on Mondays, starting at 9. Typically, I'm full of energy and quite effective at wrangling five kids. Today I was really feeling the effects of a crazy weekend and I just could not keep the kids from going nuts. Needless to say, I was feeling discouraged and tired when I got home. 

     After lunch, I headed to my room to finish some schoolwork and ended up falling asleep, consequently getting no work done. I then rushed off to a flute lesson that I was not prepared for, and I had to skip girls' group tonight. So at first glance, I did not have a very good Monday. 

     After putting a few hours between me and the less-than-ideal happenings today, I have changed my opinion. I did have a good day, and I have plenty to be thankful for. Firstly, I'm thankful for a job, especially one that teaches me important life skills like how to keep a baby happy while directing other children. I'm also thankful that it's not really the end of the world if my schoolwork doesn't happen on time. True, it's not very good, but it's not a huge deal. I'm especially thankful for my flute teacher, who knows just how to make my day a little better: a flute duet with a reference to my blog in the middle. And, even though I missed girls's group, I drank tea and I finished five tests tonight. 

     As proven by my day, even when there seems to be nothing to be thankful for, you'll be surprised at what you can find when you look back on what you've done and experienced. This is also a time where practicing thankfulness makes a difference. Before I started making a conscious effort to be thankful, I might not have been able to look back and see any good in my day. But, having practiced thankfulness in small things, I can now look at a larger picture and find plenty of blessings and gifts in disguise. 

     Don't give up when the going gets rough, because you can be thankful, even on Mondays. 

As many as the stars of the heaven...

Today, in small group, I was thinking about my high for the week and came to the realization that my high is that I have much to be thankful. Indeed, as many as the stars of the heaven or the sand of the sea, God has blessed me abundantly. I am thankful especially for the hard things - for by being thankful, I am entrusting it to God and learning from Him. With this in mind, I am thankful specifically

• for a great talk with a friend/mentor today where we both got to think out loud together and share lessons we have learned
• for girls' group
• that one of the younger girls came to girls' group
• for the long drive to and from Wilmore
• for new beginnings
• for endings
• for loneliness
• for communion and fellowship with others
• for the Eucharist
• that I can pray to the saints
• for quiet days filled with books and good conversations
• for long, hot baths
• for beauty
• for good articles and readings
• for homework
• that I am not alone
• that I make mistakes and learn from them

To God be the glory! May we be aware of His work in us and around us and give thanks to Him!

Music of the Heart

     Last night I attended and performed at a flute concert. When I was getting ready, I didn't want to go. I considered skipping it altogether. I was tired, stressed, and pessimistic. Previously, I had not practiced the music well and I felt that I would not perform well. But I did it anyway. 

     After the concert, I felt none of those things. I was still tired, exhausted after two hours of playing, but it didn't seem so bad anymore. The music kept running through my head and I felt like dancing. Simply the act of playing music had made my day better. 

     I think music and thankfulness are quite alike in many ways. Both take deliberate practice to learn, and both get easier as you practice. Also, there is no end to the knowledge you can gain by practicing both actions. But as I see it, the most important similarity is this: both thankfulness and music, either playing or listening, change hearts. Every day music touches and changes the hearts of people everywhere. Thankfulness does not do it quite so obviously, but the change is still there. It pulls emotions from people they didn't know they had. Like music, thankfulness defines people. 

     Music has always been a part of my life, and I believe it always will. It is constantly teaching me things words cannot quite express. I can already  efficiently play music on my flute, now I must learn to master the music of my heart.